Ten Things I Said to My Two Year Old Kid Today…and Everyday.

1. “Stop throwing your food on the floor” without fail, after every meal in our home, my floor looks like a small pack of wild animals ransacked a dumpster behind the Outback Steakhouse and left it for me to clean up. 

2. “Don’t kick/hit/push your brother” I’m pretty sure that the smallest human child that occupies space in our home has a permanent “kick me” sign on his back. Poor baby. I can’t wait for the day that he grows bigger than his brother and can give him a taste of his own sneaker. 

3. “Get down from there” It will be a miracle if this kid makes it to 3 without needing to wear a helmet full-time. He keeps climbing on furniture and heaven forbid if I want his head to stay in one piece. 

4. “Yes, we need to change your diaper” I mean, why would he actually want to sit in poop all day? Potty training can’t come soon enough.

5. “No, you can’t drive my car” he’s got about 14 more years to go for that…but would gladly take us for a spin if I let him. He’s two, going on twenty-two.

6. Please don’t eat that off of the ground. Yes, you did just throw it there, but let’s leave it there now that it has 10 different species of germs growing on it. On the floor of the children’s museum? Then there’s no less than one household flu included as a bonus.

7. No, you don’t need your shoes on to go to bed.  Cute. Shoes to bed? Good idea. Mommy should put on her pre-baby stilettos to go to bed because that’s probably the only time they’ll ever be worn again before you go to college. 

8. No, you can’t have ice cream for dinner. Dream on, kiddo.

9. Yes, you have to take a bath. Usually this is in response to “No bath, play toys” – Is this only a boy thing? Or all toddlers? The kid played all day…a bath is non negotiable.

10. I LOVE YOU.  I don’t care how many times I repeated myself with any/all of the things above. Saying I love you is as non-negotiable as a bath! Kids need to hear it and moms need to say it.

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