Motherhood is About the Journey

I was once a 20 year old girl in a semi-serious relationship with a handsome young guy. That girl was going to graduate from college soon, was working full-time, and enjoying her generally carefree life. Somehow, that girl (me) felt in her heart that her true calling in life was not to go to law school or have a passionate love affair with a career, but instead to become a mother. That may sound crazy to some women…and even as I sit here and type that, it sounds a little insane to me, too. It’s interesting to me that at such a young age I knew I wanted to be a mom. I ended up getting married at 23, and sadly the road to having children was not an easy one.

What’s more interesting to me, though, is that when I sit back and think about it, if I would’ve become a mother at 24, when I was first pregnant, I’m not sure I could’ve been the best mom that I would’ve been capable of being. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t strong enough mentally or emotionally.

The journey that I have been on over the past decade of my life has turned me into the person that I am today.Now 30 years old, with my two little boys tucked into their beds and sleeping soundly down the hall, I feel like I am oddly grateful for the experiences that I have been through. No, don’t get me wrong, I never would have asked for our son to pass away. I never would have dreamed that for myself. Trust me, if I was able to give my left arm to not have to go through the excruciating torture of birthing a stillborn baby, I would give it. I’d give my left arm, right leg, you name it. But, since that was what God had planned for me, and it was what HAD to be, I must reflect back and find a way to grow from the horrible experience. Only in hindsight, am I able to see that the hard situations that have brought me to this place in my life are what have shaped me into the woman that I am today.

However I have gotten to this place, I am now here. Grateful and happy (most days!)

Motherhood, for me, is most certainly about the journey, and not the destination. The journey to get here, and the ride I take along with the kids everyday. The new things we see and learn together. The happiness and the tears. Each bit of motherhood is something to savor and reflect upon.

Not all of it is good, of course. There are days that I am out of my mind and want to run away from this house and take a week long solo vacation…and often just settle for a half an hour alone at Target or an hour at the gym. The recent morning that my toddler splattered an entire container of yogurt throughout my living room, including my brand new curtains? Yea, that was one of those days. The day I lost my kid at an inflatable bounce house place…not my shining motherhood moment either. Four hour scream fest from night terrors? Nope, definitely not a good night. Oh, remember that time when my kid pooped on the table at Starbucks? This is the stuff they don’t tell you about when you become a mom. But hey, I’ve been through worse, and this is just part of the ride. Take the bad with the good, right?

Ah, but the good days. Those are days that you never want to end. The days when the love radiates from the angelic face of your little baby like rays of warm, dreamy sunshine. When you see just how beautiful your little creatures truly are. Those moments when you know your heart was right all along. It was all worth it, they are the reason for everything you’ve been through. When they are thoughtful, caring, loving, or just filled with raw emotions of joy…that’s when you just want to savor every little detail of the moment and take it all in before it’s gone…

Before they poop all over their bed and you have to wash all of the sheets, blankets, and their most prized blankie (that was me this afternoon, btw). It’s all just part of the journey. The funny, ironic, delicious, hard, all together crazy ride of motherhood.