When I first started this blog I had recently experienced the loss of our stillborn son. You can read our entire story of our journey to becoming parents by clicking here.
Seven years ago I was checked into the hospital waiting to give birth to our first son, Max, after finding out the imaginable news that he had passed away and would be stillborn. Tomorrow 8/9 is his birthday.
Some years this day passes by and I don’t shed a tear. This year, its been tough. I’m not sure why it’s been harder to process this year, but I think it has to do with watching our kids getting bigger and knowing they’d have an older brother. You always wonder what he would’ve been like. What he would’ve looked like now, or how his voice would sound now. We will never know those things about Max. It’s a weird feeling to lose a child that you never got the chance to get to know.
I do know that seven years ago I felt hopeless and like I’d never be a mother. I am so lucky to have my three living children, and glad I had the grit to keep going through my darkest hours.
Sorrow, anxiety, grief…these feelings are so real. I wish I felt as good right now as I portray myself to be on social media. But this is real life, and I know that these feelings will pass again. The light is always at the end of the tunnel.
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” – one of my favorite quotes to remember that the dark times don’t last 💙there’s always a new start on the other end of the horizon.